My tummy was in knots today. Stepping out of those elevators for the first time is an emotional experience. There were no tears, but lots of anxiety. As you walk in and you see all of the children, it’s hard to stomach. To think that my child is in the same category as some of these children is hard to believe. Some of them look really sick. Many of them have no hair. My child looks healthy. He’s having a good day. No fever, good energy, spirits are high. He has no idea where we are and what this means. We filled out our paperwork and they came out to ask for our disk from Dr. Wong’s office. I FORGOT IT!! Crap! How did I do that? I had it in a safe
place! In my car so I wouldn’t forget… We took Henry’s car. (Smaller, easier to park, better on the gas). Crap! Crap! CRAP!! How do you forget the scan, which is the whole reason we are even here?! The lady smiles and tells me it’s OK. They would like to have it, but they’ll do more scans anyway, it’s OK. We get to the back and meet Dr. Morali and Dr. Foster. Jake is blubbly and cute and they all talk dinosaursars. This puts Jake in the right frame of mind to cooperate. They are kind and the mood is light as the tell us, “This appointment is just a consultation, nothing to be worried over. We really don’t know what this is yet. There is much to find out and we’ll take a look at Jake and figure out if you are even in the right place.” They remind us that what we saw is still very undefined. We just don’t know. They have lots of questions for us, we have lots for them. We are then sent for a high def x-ray of Jake’s legs. When we return, the mood is different and much more serious. They pulled up the scans and showed us that Jake has “spots on both of his femurs, his knee cap, and his pelvis”. This is NOT what we expected. I have that feeling again, of falling off a swing flat on your back – talk about knocking the wind out of you. They went on to say that they do not believe this to be Osteosarcoma but possibly Neuroblastoma. It is showcasing all of the characteristics of that disease. AND, they don’t believe these anamolies to be where it started, they believe the source of origination will be found somewhere in the abdomen. We plan for more tests and to meet up later in the week. We leave stunned and confused and terrified. A while back, our Tues Girl’s Bible Study did a study on Breath Prayers – that kept running through my head. I couldn’t think of what or how to pray… all I could pray was a simple breath prayer… LORD, help us!